I often warn ladies of the dangers of dating without discernment. You can easily find yourself attached to a counterfeit in this season if you're not careful. Men are out there, pretending to be everything we want and desire in a man. Satan will use anyone to accomplish his works. Matter of fact, he is at work NOW trying to ruin your future marriage. The marriage that God has in store for you.
What is discernment?
In general, discernment is the ability to not only judge, but to judge well. For Christians, its perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual guidance and understanding. Consider discernment to be like a 6th sense, a measure of a special grace gift. Look at 1 Corinthians 12:10. It reads, "To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another divers kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues " King James Version. I've been told that I always had the gift. I could always judge people really well. There have been numerous times when my spirit could pick up on someone else's spirit. I knew when I was in the presence of a good person or a bad one. And it''s been extremely useful on the dating scene. Even when I had my loved ones rooting for a guy I had encountered or was seeing, I could tell when it was someone that didn't mean me any good. This gift has also come in handy when assisting and coaching other women as well.
Well, how do I get it??
It's a gift, my friend. And gifts are given to us. This gift can only be given by the Father. I do know that spending more time with God and in His presence will make you more aware. You'll know the fruits of the spirit and be able to detect if they are evident in a person's life. The Word says to test the fruits. But we don't know what we don't know. Read His Word, and spend time with Him. You'll find yourself enlightened in a way you've never been before.
In the meantime...
Ask for wisdom. The Word says that if any of us lacks wisdom to ask God and He'll give it to us generously (James 1:5). So even if you lack wisdom, you can always ask for it. It's up to us to make wise choices and decisions when it comes to ourselves. Using wisdom and knowing the fruits, you can detect when someone isn't worth your time. You can sense when someone is running/playing games. You know when it's time to walk away from a man. You don't have to give a chance to everyone because you're tired of being single. You don't have to date by faith or engage in any salvation dating. You're allowed to say "no" to men that don't fit where you are in your life. God will grant you with the wisdom you need this season.
Why is it dangerous?
Well let's get to the important part. Why is dating without discernment dangerous? Because if you're unable to discern the spirit of the person you're interested in, you can find yourself hurt, disappointed, or played. You'll encounter a man that may say, "God told me that you're my wife" and without discernment, you'll fall for it. Why? Because you may be anxious to settle down and frustrated with being single. You were already praying for a husband, and then here comes this man. God forbid you're desperately dating! If you lack discernment, it's time to sit down and spend time with God.
We have this vision of the devil being ugly in a red jumpsuit with a long curly tail and pointy ears. Honey, that's a sexy Halloween costume. The devil doesn't look that way. He looks like everything we've ever wanted, packaged in a pretty box with a bow. He'll come dressed as the man you want. The man you've created in your mind. The man that checks everything off of your list. You'll be deceived. You'll be left wondering, "where did it go wrong?" in no time.
With discernment, you never have to ask what a person's motives are and whether they are for you or not. You don't have to wonder if they're really who they say they are, if they're a pawn in Satan's scheme. You can be confident knowing that you can smell the lies, detect the fabrications, and test the spirits. Don't be deceived in this season. We have no more time to waste and nor do we have games to play. Let's be strategic and wise, not settling for anything less than God's best.
Want more? Check out the video I did on Dating without Discernment!