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  • Writer's pictureVictoria Baxter

Date Confidently

Dating can be intimidating and scary for some. Often it's because people deem themselves as being rusty or out of the loop, unaware how to date and what the new rules may be. This is true for those that took time off from dating to find themselves or perhaps coming on the heels of a divorce or a breakup. I recall exiting a decade long, on-again off-again relationship. Once I finally decided I was ready to date, I did what most people do: signed up for a dating app.

Whether you go the route of app, social gatherings, or set ups, the key is to remain confident. You can do this by dating Godfidently. That means putting your absolute trust in God. It's keeping Him at the center, no matter what. There are believers that are against dating, and there are others that are for it. The ones against it typically use the argument that dating wasn't and isn't biblical. That no one was dating in the Bible. That is true. We can agree on that. But social media and blogs didn't exist in the Bible either. Seems the key is to be wise with whatever you do and don't forget your standards.

For those interested in dating and not against it, I say this: Remember that it is to be fun. Even when and if dating with a purpose, and the purpose is marriage, you should still have fun. Don't go into it treating dating like a job interview or a final exam. That will automatically lead to pressure, stress, and awkwardness. You want answers, yes. You desire to see if this is a guy you can continue on with, yes. You should be screening and subtly interviewing, yes. However, you should still be having fun throughout it all. And when you're confident in who you are and what you offer, you'll be able to have fun and let your guard down some.

Tips on dating confidently as a virtuous woman

He's just a man, you're the prize. We make it awkward because we’re anxious to determine if he’s "the one". Chill out. You are the prize, sis. Now, that's not to say that he isn't either. I often tell women that we must remember God cares about His sons also. It's not all about us. But if dating confidently isn't something that has worked well for you, then it's time for some pep talk. Speak affirmations before stepping out to pump yourself up! This doesn't mean go out there acting conceited and egotistical, expecting him to bow down. But as soon as you realize that you're a good thing, your attitude will shift.

Dress comfortably. Girl, don’t step out of your comfort zone trying to impress someone. Be comfortable so you can enjoy yourself, first of all. And when you're secure with what you're wearing and not walking like a baby goat because someone told you to wear heels, you’ll also be confident with how you carry yourself throughout the date.

Know your value. Affirm yourself before leaving. Remember, you’re the prize. God is within you. How do you view yourself? How do you regard yourself? What's your self-esteem and self-worth like? If these things aren't up to par, then you shouldn't even be dating truth be told. But if you see yourself in a good light, then know your value so confidence will be on full display.

Have boundaries and standards. These are beyond important for the single woman wanting to have a dating life. Predetermine what you’ll give. What you’ll allow. What lines can't be crossed. What you won't accept and tolerate. Always have your own set of standards or men will create their own.

Be honest. About it all. What you want, how you feel, what you don’t want, what you dislike, etc. We sometimes get focused on not wanting to hurt someone's feelings or thinking they may take something the wrong way. This isn't the time for that. Nor is it the time to try to impress. Have a voice now or risk trying to find it later.

Speak up. This goes along with being honest, I suppose. But is he doing something you don’t like? Going too far? Making advances? Suggesting something you don’t like? Speak up and state so. He can apologize and show respect or ignore and continue. From there, the ball is in your court. Please play accordingly.

Smile. Like, duh. If you're enjoying yourself, smile. Noticing how handsome he is? Smile. Glad you accepted and went out? Smile. Date's a dud, but the waiter seems cool? Smile.

Don't be too deep. It's one date, you hear me?! No need to go to your war corner asking God if this is your husband. Now, nothing is wrong with praying over any and everything. Our hearts are guarded by asking God for guidance. For now, just stay connected to Him. Use wisdom, ask for more, keep your eyes open, and proceed with caution.

It's dating, not a commitment. Like, it’s really not the time to see where he stands on marriage, kids, finances, etc. Truth be told, you may not even see this guy again. Chill. Confidence will come when you're able to enjoy casual conversation instead of wondering if he's going to bail once you tell him your goal and plan is to get married in 2 years.

Stop overthinking. It’s a date, not a wedding. Don't go in deep regarding what he just said. You'll blank out on the rest of the date because you'll create a made up scenario in your head. Drown out the voices and engage in meaningful conversation, OK?

Trust your gut. Use your intuition and you’ll be fine. Discernment is a gift that you may not have, but you can always say a quick prayer for wisdom. This tip is good for those that overthink. Stop relying on your own strength and allow God to lead you.

I hope these tips will help you when it comes to dating confidently. When I did No More Lonely Nights, my best selling webinar, the number one tip I gave on how to get your husband was to cultivate your spirit. Stay connected to God and you can’t go wrong. And if dating is something that's stressing you out or that makes you feel intimidated or insecure, then remember what I said earlier. In the Bible days, no one was dating. Just minding their business, walking in purpose, being obedient, securing the bag, and BOOM! There came a spouse. There are no rules, only the ones you make. Remember that.

Now go and be great!

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