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  • Writer's pictureVictoria Baxter

Dating while Introverted...

Silent. Passive. Calm. Reserved. Just a few words used to describe an introvert. There are a wide variety of people that fit this description. Would you believe that Laura Bush and Rosa Parks are even in this category? It's not uncommon at all. I, myself, am an extroverted introvert. Around certain people and social settings, I can definitely be outgoing. It all just depends. What's disheartening, though, is there are singles that are introverted and they find that it makes it extremely hard to date. God forbid they have low self-esteem, and it can be an ugly situation.

Know this, though. It is possible to date and get a date even if you're an introvert. Not only can you get a date, but you can also get a 2nd date and have a healthy, happy dating life. And I'll tell you how. But first, ensure that what you're dealing with is actually introversion. With some people, often their issue is social anxiety that they've incorrectly categorized as being introverted. This is a chronic mental health condition in which social interactions cause irrational anxiety. People that meet the criteria don't do well with strangers, social settings, etc. It's one of the most common mental disorders but it's treatable.

If you're ready to navigate the waters of the dating scene, ensure that you know how to give yourself some grace. You'll be able to do this if you're someone that has good self-esteem. Grace is being kind to yourself. It's being patient with yourself. It's taking the pressure off the need to be perfect. It's almost impossible to date if you're unaware of how precious you are where you are, how you are, right now.

Here's something that I've found to be interesting. A large number of introverts prefer online dating because they can build connections behind a screen. While that may make sense on the surface, it's not the wisest thing. Why? Because It's easy to be someone, anyone, online. You can take on a persona and even hide behind your shyness. But then when it's time to meet in person, what's going to happen? You think the timidity is going to magically go away? Often, that's not the case. Now, if you're going to join a community that's known for including introverts, go for it. If you're going to be honest and note that you're an introvert on your profile, go for it. If you're going to join an app or community that's tied to something you're passionate about, go for it! At least then, it won't be as awkward when you meet in person. You'll have something to talk about when it comes to the latter. And if you mentioned your shyness ahead of time, he also knows what he's getting into.

Before going on a date, it really is a good thing to let him in on this "secret" about you. That way, he's not annoyed (and you're not uncomfortable with his annoyance). Don't refrain from telling him that you're shy, quiet, and/or introverted. What matters is that your date must GET you. And they can only get what they got. Offer this information up ahead of time.

Aside from choosing an outfit that fits who you are and what you'll be comfortable in for a few hours, the key to nailing a date as an introvert is having a good conversation. Girl, you've got to keep the entertainment and excitement present, while ridding the uneasiness. It may sound crazy, but think about practicing your conversations and questions while home alone. Think of things to bring up. Have a list of open-ended questions. In other words, ask questions that cannot be answered with a "yes" or "no" response, or with a static response. They are phrased as a statement which requires a response. This is the key to having a killer conversation. Open-ended questions require more than one word answers. The answers could come in the form of a list, a few sentences or something longer such as a speech, paragraph or essay. On a date, you could ask things such as their high school experience, details of their favorite/dream vacation, how they met their best friend, 5-year goals, etc. You can ask about a typical day for them, details about the last book they read, or the best advice they were ever given. Many possibilities are there.

Hopefully these things will help you. Visit my dating page to get your 30 dating tips. There are great tools available to accelerate your dating life. Let's GOOOOOO!!

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